Butcher

"They'll never take me alive, I'm gettin high with my four-five.."

So like the good friend that I am, I picked up this fool yesterday and brought him to his homies crib so he could tat him up, it took the entire day.

His boy Angel was getting tatted across his hands "Bitches ain't shit butt hoez and tricks" That was the exact spelling & I know it's incorrect.

I spoke to my friend Kait back east and she was telling me how she was feeling upset about things with a guy and guys with general and me being bored as hell kinda decided to go off on a rant which added to the funk that I was in.

I got home and was emotionally in a bad way felt like trying to numb the way I was feeling took an ambien and rode it out. Woke up in that familiar fog, still in a mood but at least while I'm at work I'm away from everyone pretty much and don't have to worry about my idle time and idle mind.

He said he wanted to finish up the tat tomorrow but I'm thinking like look..if all you want from me is a ride to and from ya boy's house just pitch me some gas money and I'll drop you off there and leave. No point in me being there. Shit I'll even take him and her over there if that's the case. Cause me sittin there was a waste of my time and day.  I didn't say too much last night but I'll be sure to tell him the morning if he wants me to pick him up.


I also got irritated cause we were at the park and these fools had a fat one and asked if I wanted any and then B said "oh no..she's a square.." the fuck? just cause I don't like green doesn't mean I'm a square..I'M STILL A FUCKIN G..-___-


He told me he felt weird being there and I think that's why he kinda wanted someone there but I don't trust anyone anymore. I'm in the process of rebuilding. I'm rebuilding everything. I don't give a fuck. People here are really unworthy of loyalty and they thrive off back stabbing. I have to watch my own back. I was just thinking about all the bullshit we talked about when he was locked up and my nerves are just about boiling..right now it's at a simmer. Given the right circumstance it's going to go off. I've maintained my cool through A LOT. A LOT. It's pretty much an understatement and a slap in the face.

He said he's been feeling watched lately and here and there I've been kinda feeling that way too which is why I don't like that he's been giving random people MY number to get in touch with him. I don't want any dumb shit being tied back to me. But anyways it's like fuck you..I ain't ya answering service..the fuck I look like? Go ask ya GIRL to handle that shit. Oh wait..but isn't that just me getting caught up in my emotions? Yeah..which is why I bite my tongue.  I haven't gone back on that shit I once told him.  That "I'ma get mad at times but that's just me getting caught up" I HAVE to keep myself in check. Because emotions can ruin you.

Found something interesting on Kush&Wisdom:

"It shouldn't bother me, but it does.
I shouldn't care, but I do.
I should hate you, but I don't"

and this one

Life Notes:
"wanna know why I push people away? It's only because I've been hurt too many times before. So many damn people have gone in and out of my life. Some because of stupid reasons and some with no reason at all. I push people away because I'm sick and tired of it. I leave before I am left.  I leave before I get hurt again. Simple as that. Plus, if people are meant to be in my life, they'll come back. Somehow."

So pretty much I'ma lay low..not saying I haven't been but even more so if possible from the majority. I don't care for much. I love my me time when I'm zoning. I've gotta keep chuggin along. I feel like I really don't belong out here. I'm way too G for this place. Seriously though. On Monday keep in mind I had on 4in heels and boys were over here drooling..but I got the "you used to be a tomboy?" "kinda yeah, I played a lot of sports" "that's why you're bulit like that" I always get that...in NJ..out here.."that's why you're built like that" that doesn't mean I'm a tomboy..my attitude is just cause I'm a G. LOL. And there have been times I've been told I act like a dude from my guy friends..why just cause I try not to give a fuck and watch who I fuck with? Everyone should be that way in that case.

Rather ride solo. Keep a small circle..keep em all out.  Watch your own back. Never depend on anyone for anything cause everybody carries a knife.

Lol be your own butcher.

Call me Captain Cutthroat..(hence my Facebook pic)

These blogs have been kinda long lately, just quite a bit on my mind.