Flames

In the darkness there is nothing left but the glow of embers
Embers that once were a blazing fire
a fire that engulfed everything with crackling roar
the burn of the fire
burn.
her wings were meant to burn
red, gold, yellow, orange,
fiery inferno
to live is to die
I am the phoenix

tbc...

Memento

This memento is not to dwell on the past but rather to bring forth optimism and a new sense of direction

My Libertine Supreme

My libertine supreme
that's what you are.
And with my love comes my anguish and my grief.
And with my pain comes my hope and my faith.
What good is this?
You'd given me the power to find my wings.
Now you're ripping out the feathers.
Grounding me. Grappling me.
This heart is so big I just want love and to be loved.
Screaming as you pluck them one by one or often times by the tuft.
As you sing aloud "GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!"
His truth is marching on.......me that is.

The Taste

It is with grave fear that I find myself here..
I need to know that you aren't the monster the world wants to make you out to be
please for the sake of my own fragile heart I must know.
you disguise yourself so well and your touch is ever so sweet
your words do melt like butter upon my soul
PLEASE
do spare me this poisonous rapture
the venom is so sweet
so bitter sweet
how I'd long to tame such a beast
I didn't dare see what was happening before my eyes
blindfolded and cuffed
I could only taste it.
And now tis I that craves it.
But you...
you enjoy watching me squirm,
watching my body writhe in horror of what I've allowed.
I could scream but what is the use
The pain is pleasure
the torture is ease..
my appetite is insatiable
you deprive me
it makes me want more.
I want to escape.
Or do I.

December 4th

I'm laying here feeling somewhat foolish...
I feel like I want so much...
maybe I want too much.
But I feel like I'm in this alone.
The emptiness is not me it was you.
I want to feel feeling from you.
Not the kind that she envokes either.
I want to feel strong passionate love.
I have it in me to give all of myself
but I would want that in return
and I wouldn't give that to anyone else but you.
That's how I feel it should be...
selfish maybe.

December 3rd

I wanted to know how to love.

I have learned from being involved with you.

I can be patient, caring, helpful, understanding, loyal, 

sweet, thoughtful, considerate, appreciative, giving and much more.

I am a blessed individual and capable of many things. 

It is a great feeling knowing that I do know how to love...

I just need to find the right person who will embrace me and shine with me.

That's motivated towards a common goal. 

I just wanted it to be you.

Because through you I have found all of this within me. 

It just pains me that I can't feel that same love from you. 

November 26th

Let me know if this task is too great...so that I may behave accordingly.
I realize that you value me but not enough to be the difference.
I've given so much of myself and seen a side of me and potential in me that's been realtively unheard of...
this is part of why I hold on.
I've been so patient.
Understanding.
Caring.
I've shown you the love I would want for myself.
I need you to trust and have faith in me.
Let me love you.
Let me show you.
Give yourself the opportunity.
I'm more than just an option.
I'm more than just a safety net.
I want more for us...together.

I never thought that I'd be here feeling the way that I do about you.
I want to lift you up.
I want to bring you strength.
I want you to know that there is light in the darkness.
That through the struggle I'm here with you.

Karaoke

and as I see it...
you could and you would break my heart
repeatedly
repeatedly
you aren't ready to love me
although you kiss and you hug me
Then I hear Drake say:
"I'm just young and unlucky...I'm surprised you couldn't tell"

The fear

"Please don't tell me because there is fear in knowing that these condescending thoughts transcend everything" And I hate looking down at my shoes when it rains,
when it rains it pours down
seemingly fit with the sadness resounding
screaming out like a howling wind violently, vividly, vivaciously occurring

what the hell

these words shall cease to rest these lips
a fighting chance they do not stand
whats done in kind
 is done in kind
even if you are not my kind
with poise I rest
your feelings to test
destroy the path of the conquered
in your face I see dishonor
while your guilt lies shameless...

so homeboy fuck your feelings
i refuse to be the subject
i refuse to to be the predicate
fuck your predatory ways
yep I said it
fuck that nonsense
fuck it sideways
and fuck it backwards
all these things are lessons learned

Aeschylus Quote

"Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget 

falls drop by drop upon the heart, 

until, in our own despair, 

against our will, 

comes wisdom 

through the awful grace of God."-Aeschylus

Sometimes I lay and wonder

wide awake in the darkness

where are you tonight

restless in my mind

shuffling though the memories

praying that you would save me

but every night the same thing

I've run out of stars to wish on

hoping one of them would grant me this wish

In the darkness I can't see the light of the moon

so empty in this solitude

I find myself running from it all

just to end up back here in my head 

and alone

I'll push the world away just to keep you close in my heart

The fog on the glass

The raindrops that are left

the loneliness

the sadness

the pain

where are you

can't you feel that I need you

can't you feel, that I need YOU

despite it all it was always you

but it's not enough

my love is not enough

I did this one for fun with a writing prompt, the prompt was the quote..to read to quote and just write from there.

Truth

I am ever so grateful to be able to establish this little bit of honesty between us. And after everything my instincts were correct as I have NEVER doubted them but rather gave you the benefit of the doubt.

I am sorry for the way you went about the situation at that point in time and for my actions in return. In all honestly I did care at one point. I did show you with everything that was within me.

And now a sense of relief although I'll never be able to look at you the way I once did.

Disappointed in you, yes.

TBC...

Slumber

Words do seem to populate my mind yet things so thought provoking and so dynamic leave me at a loss. I can feel a heaviness weighing upon thy brow beckoning slumber...Oh evermore. Sleep, the longing for such is dreamlike. The way ones lashes flutter with every long blink fighting to stay awake. Give me reason to stay in reality and not to sleep. A reason worth being awake for. There is none.

Liquor

The feeling isn't everything. Its not what I want to feel. Impressionable, the music is really getting to me. I'm tired of everyone and everything. I want to be alone yet not in my thoughts. I wanna leave it all behind me. In the pillows, in the sheets but never take it with me. The things I harbor manifesting within myself. Them things that creep along your spine. Sends chills down ones back in time. In time none of these things mean anything. It's the liquor running through me.

Betrayal- assignment 6

For this assignment we had to let the title give meaning to/set the tone of the poem.  Most of the class didn't really understand mine. Key words/Phrases were: drift away, your hand grows limp in mine (meaning letting me go), fleeing, fleeting, fade


Betrayal
Laying in the crisp green grass
Watching fireflies drift away
to a place I do not know.
As your hand grows limp in mine while you fall asleep.
The dark sapphire sky has seldom wispy dark grey clouds.
I can see stars forming constellations stretching far and wide.
The names of which escape my mind.
In the distance a stray shooting star seems to be fleeing.
Fleeting into the abysmal sky.
An hour, or two, or three goes by before
The sky, stars, and moon all begin to fade.

The Things You've Missed

You missed my first day of elementary school, middle school, high school, and college.
You missed my 8th grade talent show.
Michael Jackson's "Wanna Be Starting Somethin,"
I choreographed the whole thing myself.
You missed every play and musical I was in.
You missed every field hockey game and track meet I had.
You never saw the article in the paper about the time I made the save that qualified our team for the state champion chip.
You missed my graduations.
You missed every medal, trophy, and award I've ever gotten
and every single time I have ever felt proud.
You missed it when I got dehydrated at field hockey camp and needed to be picked up.
You missed every birthday after the age of three.
You never danced a father daughter dance with me.
You never took me to work with you on take your child to work day.
You never spent a Father's day with me.
You never taught me how to ride a bike.
You never read me bedtime stories about princesses in far away lands or tucked me into a pink flowery bed.
You missed my first time on the road.
You missed my first car accident.
You missed the time I fell down the stairs and really messed up my foot.
You missed my first day working and how giddy I was to be making my own money.
even if it was at Chuck E. Cheese
You missed it when I felt my first heartache.
You never told me the type of men to watch out for.
You never told me that falling in love would hurt.
You weren't there when I sat looking out the window and at every car that passed by I said, "Daddy?"
I can see you now, nursing a bottle of liquor and some crack cocaine when you could have been nursing me.
You were never my hero.
Now, when you call I don't pick up and I don't return your calls.
I don't want to talk to you.
We have nothing to talk about.
I simply don't care at all.

Daddy

January 17th 2004-

Daddy dont you love me
Daddy dont you miss me
Daddy why'd you leave me
Daddy that's not how it should be

Daddy you make me cry
Daddy please tell me why
Daddy dont you care
Daddy I wanted you there
in my life...
Daddy left me all alone
Daddy missed it when I shone
Daddy lied to me
he said, sweetie wait for me
but Daddy never showed up
Daddy left me with tears and tough luck

Daddy im messed up tonight
because youre not here
in my life...
Daddy not having you by my side
You killed a part of me and so I died
And Daddy ive been messed up since
And its too late to fix it
My childhoods gone
and I hope you know you're wrong
and Mommy could never take your place
I just wanted to hear your voice, see your face

But instead im left with an empty space
and you just left without a trace
Daddy I am cold tonight
Daddy wont you hold me tight
Daddy wont you take my hand
Daddy wont you be my friend
Daddy I know you SAY youre sorry
but Daddy thats not good enough for me
Daddy why'd you leave me there to cry
Why,why,why,why??

If She Knew-Assignment 4

For this assignment we had to use some sort of repetition


If She Knew
The clock reads 3:12am.
The light from the train peeks
through the blinds and creates shadows
against my red walls.

Like the time you had me pressed up against the front door.
I could feel the cold against my back
and your warm breath on my neck.
My hands gripped you like talons.

That night the train lights also peeked through.
I wonder what she would do if she knew?

Three fifteen.
I turn over in my zebra print comforter
to the pheromones left on my pillow.
My nightstand, besides the clock now naked
from the one thing that is ever intermittent.
The wedding band that reminds me of why you're not here now.
What would she do if she knew?

Your hair wild,untamed,and huge like a lions mane.
Your raw energy.
Unrestrained and ferocious.
Manly and take charge.
The way you looked when you were above me.
Tracing that physique
like kryptonite making me weak.
Creating mental pictures in my head
Strewn across the floor of my sleepless mind.

I wonder if you lay in bed, with my picture in your head.
Tossing and turning now it's three thirty.
I look at the cellphone beside my pillow.
And I know
I wouldn't dare call you.

But what would she do if she knew?
Because part of me would love to,
to tell your wife shattering things.
How when you take out the garbage you call me.
And remember the one night you and your buddies went out after work
you were drunk outside my apartment and your friends were telling you to turn around, that I was asleep.
Or the time you took me to the movies and held MY hand
as my fingers ran circles around that band.

But for now I'm laying here in this bed
wondering when the train shall come again.

To Dream-Assignment 2

To Dream

With every shot I hear fired in the distance
my gaze fixes on another star in the sky.
Being in Afghanistan feels like being in a radiating oven.
The terrain is nothing but barren, brown, and burnt by the sun daily.
These empty nights when I look up at the stars
my lips form your name,
While ornaments of the sky seem
fixed in their celestial blanket.

I miss the May days laying in the green Mississippi grass of our front yard
with you beside me,
your eyes more blue than the rarest sapphires.
Our fingers fit the way your favorite pair of jeans do, the ones with the tear just below the right knee.
You.
You're like a dream to me now.

The gunfire stops and there is an explosion
followed by trembling of the Earth beneath my combat boots.
This war seems never ending.
I want to come home
to you.

Were you something I dreamt?
Dreamt is the only English word that end's in the letters "mt."
Empty.
Dreamt is past tense.
It is the skeleton of hope.

Hard to Swallow- Assignment 1

For this assignment we had to recall a place, somewhere we had been and not necessarily a "nice" place.

Hard To Swallow
I am looking down
At navy blue “one size fits all” socks that are too big for my feet
with rubber for traction
and a faded light blue curtain that hangs on me.

Here I am,
not allowed to have my shoes.
My clothes.
They tell me I can't be trusted.

A man with a velcro beard lurks outside,
he stares at me.
I am sitting on a concrete slab.
The woman in my room with a dictionary thick Jamaican accent tells him "move along now."
The man saunters along the hall like a "Thriller" zombie
More begin to emerge from their graves.

They line up against the satin painted walls.
I take my place with the herd.
Everyone else has their “street clothes” but me.
I give a woman my name.
In return a little white wax paper cup with a little white round pill.


The cattle return to their cells.
We are locked in this prison
where I can not have my shoes.
At snack time everyone is eating PB & J with pints of milk
in a room filled with crayon drawings.

There is a woman sitting across from me
She looks up, points at me and says "Lucy"
Her hair a black and gray Brillo pad.
Stray strands sprouting from her chin.
Her eyes are glazed. Her smile is crooked and decaying.
She looks a few seats down and points at a young man and says "Ricky"

In the common area there is a Halloween marathon on.
The only one watching is an employee,
a man with long neat dreads
and he asks me what I am doing here.
I could only shrug.

This place is the hole and decay of an apple
and I can not even have my shoes.

White Walled

A soft buzzing is heard from the ceiling lights above her
The tile is cold pressed beneath her.
Scratching at her chest, clawing, scratching, digging at her chest
redness skin bleeding exposing her ribs
breaking them snapping them
opening them wide.
her heart pumping wildly she tears it out and hurls it at the white tiled wall
the tile smashes into pieces on impact.
tears streaming down her face in frustration, agony.
she looks down at her empty chest sobbing.
hands covered in blood. skin under her nails.
she screams.
her body falls back to the checkered white and black tile.
this place is familiar.
body motionless except a few twitches in a finger or two.
eyes open.
unfocused on the bright white flickering ceiling light.