The Things You've Missed

You missed my first day of elementary school, middle school, high school, and college.
You missed my 8th grade talent show.
Michael Jackson's "Wanna Be Starting Somethin,"
I choreographed the whole thing myself.
You missed every play and musical I was in.
You missed every field hockey game and track meet I had.
You never saw the article in the paper about the time I made the save that qualified our team for the state champion chip.
You missed my graduations.
You missed every medal, trophy, and award I've ever gotten
and every single time I have ever felt proud.
You missed it when I got dehydrated at field hockey camp and needed to be picked up.
You missed every birthday after the age of three.
You never danced a father daughter dance with me.
You never took me to work with you on take your child to work day.
You never spent a Father's day with me.
You never taught me how to ride a bike.
You never read me bedtime stories about princesses in far away lands or tucked me into a pink flowery bed.
You missed my first time on the road.
You missed my first car accident.
You missed the time I fell down the stairs and really messed up my foot.
You missed my first day working and how giddy I was to be making my own money.
even if it was at Chuck E. Cheese
You missed it when I felt my first heartache.
You never told me the type of men to watch out for.
You never told me that falling in love would hurt.
You weren't there when I sat looking out the window and at every car that passed by I said, "Daddy?"
I can see you now, nursing a bottle of liquor and some crack cocaine when you could have been nursing me.
You were never my hero.
Now, when you call I don't pick up and I don't return your calls.
I don't want to talk to you.
We have nothing to talk about.
I simply don't care at all.

Daddy

January 17th 2004-

Daddy dont you love me
Daddy dont you miss me
Daddy why'd you leave me
Daddy that's not how it should be

Daddy you make me cry
Daddy please tell me why
Daddy dont you care
Daddy I wanted you there
in my life...
Daddy left me all alone
Daddy missed it when I shone
Daddy lied to me
he said, sweetie wait for me
but Daddy never showed up
Daddy left me with tears and tough luck

Daddy im messed up tonight
because youre not here
in my life...
Daddy not having you by my side
You killed a part of me and so I died
And Daddy ive been messed up since
And its too late to fix it
My childhoods gone
and I hope you know you're wrong
and Mommy could never take your place
I just wanted to hear your voice, see your face

But instead im left with an empty space
and you just left without a trace
Daddy I am cold tonight
Daddy wont you hold me tight
Daddy wont you take my hand
Daddy wont you be my friend
Daddy I know you SAY youre sorry
but Daddy thats not good enough for me
Daddy why'd you leave me there to cry
Why,why,why,why??

If She Knew-Assignment 4

For this assignment we had to use some sort of repetition


If She Knew
The clock reads 3:12am.
The light from the train peeks
through the blinds and creates shadows
against my red walls.

Like the time you had me pressed up against the front door.
I could feel the cold against my back
and your warm breath on my neck.
My hands gripped you like talons.

That night the train lights also peeked through.
I wonder what she would do if she knew?

Three fifteen.
I turn over in my zebra print comforter
to the pheromones left on my pillow.
My nightstand, besides the clock now naked
from the one thing that is ever intermittent.
The wedding band that reminds me of why you're not here now.
What would she do if she knew?

Your hair wild,untamed,and huge like a lions mane.
Your raw energy.
Unrestrained and ferocious.
Manly and take charge.
The way you looked when you were above me.
Tracing that physique
like kryptonite making me weak.
Creating mental pictures in my head
Strewn across the floor of my sleepless mind.

I wonder if you lay in bed, with my picture in your head.
Tossing and turning now it's three thirty.
I look at the cellphone beside my pillow.
And I know
I wouldn't dare call you.

But what would she do if she knew?
Because part of me would love to,
to tell your wife shattering things.
How when you take out the garbage you call me.
And remember the one night you and your buddies went out after work
you were drunk outside my apartment and your friends were telling you to turn around, that I was asleep.
Or the time you took me to the movies and held MY hand
as my fingers ran circles around that band.

But for now I'm laying here in this bed
wondering when the train shall come again.