Creative quirks

This was something I started back in September that I guess I never, posted. Enjoy!

She had the taste of something she couldn't get enough of...

Raw eminent passion. 

It was all she could think about.

He took hold of her hair and gave a quick twist of his wrist. 

Her neck jerked back. 

She bit her lip. Her fist clenched on her pleated skirt. Sweating. Panting. Moist.

He forced her up by her hair still standing  behind her then bit gently into her neck.

Her body was hot. She could feel him against the back of her skirt. 

"How bad do you want it..." he spoke into her ear, she could feel the warmth from his breath on her flesh. 

With his free hand he gently ran his fingers down the back of her white shirt. 

Goosebumps raised on her arms.

Been a while

It's been quite some time. I haven't had a whole lot to say, or rather I do but it comes and goes so quickly.
I've had three surgeries on my leg since I've been gone.
I put on a bit of weight while in recovery and feel disgusted.
I was cleared on August 5th to resume my regular activities so I am ready to get back into the gym.
I'm unhappy with myself.
School starts in two weeks and I'm looking for a place near the campus.
Work has been hectic and I don't really like it but I will deal with it, everyone on my team seems stressed out.  And I don't think I get the praise I deserve but what else is new.
Underwhelmed.

On another note. I don't love these hoe ass bitch ass men.
No no no no no.
I wish every last one would not come back over and over.
The shit is ridiculous.
Forget me. Forget my name. Forget my number. Forget every last bit of every remnant.

I'd learn to live with so much. I'd learn to deal with so much. I'd learn not to take so much.
I'd hate it all.

In Vein

Kind of annoyed I had a whole bunch of stuff written out and it didn't save but I guess it was meant to be.
After some thinking I feel rather in between about a particular situation.
Not sure how I really want to pursue it, if that.

Part of me is going numb and then part of me is all feeling some stupid type of way.
I really wish things could be exactly how I want/would like them to be.
Of course that's wishful thinking.

I want those peaceful moments with you
where we just sit in silence
the world is filled with so much noise
I rather sit speechless with you
near you, next to you
I want to wake up next to you
I want to just be there with you
I want to be able to be closer to you

Such wishful thinking
Such wistful thoughts
Such silliness

Longview

"Do you have the time, to listen to me whine, about nothing and everything all at once?"

Anyways it was a long weekend. Almost seemed too long.  I spent Sunday recovering from the repercussions of Saturday night.  What a piss poor mood I had been in.  What a piss poor mood I am still in. A moody moody mess. Why? Because I realized that my gut instinct will always be correct.  Why is it we ever doubt ourselves? Truly?  I knew better.  I continue to know better yet make the same piss poor sorry mistakes.  Oh how gravely mistaken one can be.
One of my close friends told me not to go off the deep end with my emotions as in he told me not to allow myself to get in the mood I am already in.  It was too late.
I already decided this was going to be my course of action.
I had already decided I didn't want to fuck with anyone.
I had already decided I wanted my alone time.
I had decided to mope.
I had decided to be angry.
I had decided to pretend not to be affected.
I had already decided.
I still went out Saturday knowing it would not make a difference.
I went out knowing my mood was vengeful, indifferent, reckless.
Yet I went out with no expectations of anything good, fruitful, or positively mood changing
Maybe I brought it on myself
Who knows it's obviously too late to care.
I'm sick of all these things again.
I'm sick of all these people again.
I'm sick of all the same piss poor sorry ass excuses, lies, and erratic behavior
I'm out of suggestions
I'm out of resources
I'm out...

Everything I need

Starting to feel almost completely back to my normal state. I've managed to shake everyone who's attempted to get near me. I'm comfortable again. Peaceful. Wide awake at the moment but all in all I'm suffice with all that I have emotionally which is bare minimum and it's everything I need. Nothing to think about.

What Fiction

He asked what I wanted to do after having walked around the entire complex.  Sitting in front of the fountain kicking my feet I said, You know what I want to do. Right now? He questioned. I replied yup.  So we took off.  We had previously talked about why I cannot allow him to be close to me.  Yet he tries.  He calls me beautiful and when we go out anywhere he puts his arm around me. It is so foreign.  For a man who knows he's off limits to live a double life.  I wonder.  I have caught myself quite a few times feeling caught up in jealous emotions but for what?  I recognize the situation that it is and at the same time I tread on the top of the water. I am but a creature for the moment.  He told me I don't respond well to niceties which is usually true.  But it is what it is these are the choices I make.  I am but a mere creature and to err is human.  I shall blow these kisses to the wind.

Savages

The life of a savage filled with reckless abandon. 

Sometimes I really don't care about the feelings of others.

Lately more than anything.  

If only others really knew just where I was at in my head

I think partially because I'm being dragged back into old hurtful reminders of 

something/someone who consumed way too much of my time and energy.

I think partially because I use, have been used, and have used.

Where do these feelings of "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK" come from

Why is it that I don't care who I have to hurt or who gets hurt when it comes to getting what I want.

It is prevalent.

It is the life of a Savage. 

Animals

Oh darling the shit I'd love to say.
I just keep thinking of needs
animalistic primal primitive needs.
We are such beasts.
Oh and how my emotional needs and physical needs are not one in the same.
How I wish one could be a derivative of the other and yet it is not,
or rather it should be and yet it is not
I once said that you can't have what you want all the time, in life you must make compromises.
Where do you draw lines? Who draws what lines where?
When is it right? When are you settling?
Do you choose emotional safety or primal needs.