Would you roll in the deep?

Went for a visit early this morning. Talked all afternoon.  I finally told him that everything isn't okay between us. That you can't just wish things away just like that.  It was hard trying not to get choked up by the mere thought of things. I told him that he has hurt me far more than I believe he knows. I also told him that his misunderstandings and behavior has made me realize quite a bit. All I could keep saying is "I Don't Know.." over and over through out the conversation.  He asked me what don't I know and I told him. I don't understand why I'm still here. I DO NOT want to care about you, I DO NOT want to have feelings for you and all I'm doing is fighting myself for no reason. He was upset. And I wonder how it felt while during the visit he told me he's missed me and I didn't have anything to say. It's been such a tumultuous journey. My heart can't take anymore. He asked me to be happy but I feel just the opposite. And now I'm craving sleep.