Stronghold

Feels like I'm losing myself But I wish I could disappear though...feeling so disconnected with everything and everyone..can I get someone to help me feel grounded...to help me. To better me..to lighten my mood..lift my spirits..show me their heart. I've found myself misplaced and displaced. But sheesh I'm not ready, unless it'd be enough to make me forget about everything else..I fear I'm not ready. Actually in all honesty I don't know.

 A few days ago I was thinking up a bunch of random "what love is.." things and I don't remember them all but here are just a few. What is love anyways? Is it that person you don't go a day without thinking about..is that what love is? Is it someone who would die for you..is that what love is?..is it spending all your money on someone..is that what love is?..is it working through hardships.. is that what love is?..is it letting someone hurt you repeatedly.. is that what love is?..is it the person you have sex with.. is that what love is?..is it your motivation.. is that what love is?..is it taking advantage of someone.. is that what love is?..is it trusting someone..is that what love is..?

Anyways those were just my thoughts from yesterday as I had a really odd day as far as mood goes...I woke up in a terrible mood also. Vicious...dangerous..wanting to just say fuck everyone and everything and don't talk to me or better yet that no one does and probably because I make it a point to push everyone away (mostly)

I'm mad at myself for letting myself get such a damn stronghold on one person...