Bermuda

It's been a short while since I've written so time to play catch up..

My tension headaches are back with a vengeance and I have had nonstop headaches everyday for the last 4 days...today doesn't feel as bad as the last few though I'm just going to try not to focus on it.

So Tuesday surprise surprise I didn't hear from B which was cool because I ended up getting a lot of things done that day. It seems like when I'm with him sometimes I go into this lazy mode and don't want to do anything but lay around with him. I've been feeling super duper mixed emotions. My resentment has returned although I'm pretty sure it never left and I was catching myself thinking negative/bad things here and there when we were talking but I chose not to tell him just what they were (I know he'd take offense) Last time I saw him we drank another bottle of parrot bay I was hoping to spill some of my feelings out but it just wasn't happening..instead I was trying to put him in a choke hold and mess with him in a painful/playful way.  At one point he did dig his elbow into my thigh and I dug my nails into his skin.  Later on he jumped in the shower and I fell asleep..I woke up a few hours later..MAD haha.

I forgot to mention when we got there I told him I wanted to take a shower and that he could play zombies while I did so and he asked me where his phone was..I was like um excuse me..it's MY phone and I said why to play music..he said maybe. I stood there thinking about it and then I said (outloud) oh it doesn't matter. He said what doesn't matter and I said I don't belong to you so whatever is in my phone doesn't matter. He said so who do you belong to then. I said me. And then he said and I belong to me...doesn't everyone belong to themselves? then I didn't say anything else. Earlier than that I forget what it was we were talking about at Fresh & Easy and I said no to something and he once again went on his.."Did you just tell me no" thing like he does haha and I was like Man..I will tell you NO all day.

Anyways..later on he said he wanted to go and I was questioning him because it was kind of early and he said I think we should go talk to Keesha..I'm just not going to say anything about any physical relationship we might have between us...I'm thinking to myself..what did she think those hickeys were about? That I did that to you and that was it O.o she can't be THAT stupid to think nothing of it.

So we went and when we got to their block we saw her at the school reading under a tree..he told her to come on..she looked at me and he said "say something" so I told her to get in..she got in and the three of us rode around..they argued a bit but that's kind of just how they communicate. She said that he leaves her feeling so desperate and that other people would give her more/better/positive attention than he gives her. They went back and forth for a while then he'd ask me something as input. And then she'd say that he doesn't show me what he shows her. Then we drove past a chuck e cheese and I was laughing he asked if it was cause I worked there or had relations with one of my managers and I was like NO I was thinking about the time with Natalya...Keesha sided with me saying that if he had made plans with me but then ended up with Natalya he should have at least called or texted me which I agreed with. He tried to say he was being more considerate by not saying anything which REALLY MADE NO SENSE..he was arguing with her saying that on her birthday a guy said he might come see her but called two days before saying he couldn't that he wouldn't be in Nevada. B had the nerve to try and say oh he shouldn't have said anything and that he was probably playing her. She was saying that he couldn't say that because he doesn't know..which I would also agree with. I'm not sure why it is that when he is around her he suddenly make no sense. It's strange. Quite strange really. I'm not saying that just to side with her either. Then she went on saying that she was going to marry who ever this other guy was and I was just thinking O.o

It's like no you guys belong together in your weird twisted up nonsense. Then when we got back he suddenly wanted to ask the two of us which is worse.."sleeping with his brother or sleeping with his cousin" we both agreed that "brother" is worse. I don't really care. He's worse. His actions and behavior are of course no excuse though. Whatever. Then they hopped out he hugged me and told us to hug and we did which was way more weird now.

I gotta get out of this triangle though.
I don't need to be lost in Bermuda somewhere.