Wednesday, July 18, 2012

On Kindness

So two days ago I got a text from an unknown number but who else would it be but B..I thought luckily I was asleep..so there were three messages the last saying "do you hate me that much :("  I waited and contemplated even responding. Eventually I text back saying I was sleeping. Then the usual, what are you doing today yadda ya.  Anyways this is the rundown...He and Keesha had been out on the street for two days and wanted to know if I could take them to the bus terminal in Phoenix so they could buy their tickets to Vegas and if I would let them each take showers and wash some clothes.  Now keep in mind...I've been harboring some fairly ill willed feelings towards them? Maybe not them but definitely towards him.  I've always kept my word though..once I had said "do not worry about me getting mad or upset because that's just me letting my emotions get to me and that I'll always be okay"

So as I went to go get them I was saying to myself "please don't let my anger get the best of me.." over and over.  I got there and he called cause he couldn't find where I was and I gave him nothing but attitude and he was like please don't be mad. But I mean oh well right?  So it was a pretty much silent ride to the bus terminal and a LONG ride too.  Then he went in to buy their tickets and she went to buy herself a fountain drink at circle k then they got back in the car.. then the arguing began all because I asked "where are WE going to go" and he turned around and asked her where SHE was going to go.  HIS fault. She got mad grabbed everything and started walking. SIDENOTE: She thought me n him were going to take off without her and that I'd bring him back later (like old times) :/

Anyways..He said he was just going to wait at the bus stop and that I could go.  I started driving and caught up to her I was like "come on" she was like "oh he's not going with you?" I told her.."hey look, I said where are WE going..so just come on" He had eventually started walking over to us anyways. He got in too and I started driving. Why did I do that? I just couldn't see that just being it like "okie dokie thats it" especially I knew they'd already been roaming around and wanted to be able to just relax and get out of the sun. I'd already gone that far with them so I just was like whatever.

We get to my house they both took showers and washed their clothes and played some Black Ops and charged their phone and went through some listings on craigslist. We were killing time because their bus wasn't leaving til 1:45am.  It actually wasn't a bad day at all. They had pretty much stopped arguing and we all got along fine after the first hour haha.  So at the end of the night I took them to the bus stop and gave them twenty bucks to go get themselves something to eat because I knew they'd only eaten once in the last two days.  He hugged me and said "love you..really though" and then she hugged me too.  They both said thank you and went on their way.  Of course Tupac- "Ain't mad at cha" would be playing on my Pandora. So on my drive home I was crying a little bit haha. I found it ironic because through ALL THE BULLSHIT I'm not mad..I'm okay. I'm still a good friend. I still was there when no one else was..even through my emotions. I mean yeah I know I had blocked him but I knew that if he really NEEDED to get in touch with me he'd find a way. And that'll be the last time I'll see them.

Ya know as messed up as the whole situation has been between the three of us and as difficult as yesterday was for me and as awkward and as mad I was and as much as they don't deserve my help I'm glad I did. And I feel better today.

One friend told me that I was the bigger person for having done what I did, and someone else told me it's good for my soul.  I'm not sure about anyone else's opinions but I can say that it feels much better now having put my feelings aside than holding that grudge and that sadness and that anger that I'd been cradling and holding onto so dearly.

1 comment:

  1. That is a very bright thing to do. I'm not sure what went on between you guys and it may be revealed in one of your earlier posts, but I will say that it is pretty moving that you held out your hand.

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