Three Words

So today I stopped to consider a female "friend" although I kinda consider her more of an actual acquaintance. Shes always saying t "I love you" to us/our group. Today I was the only she saw and it hit me. She said it and I kinda was like "Okay bye!" Just was awkward. I can't do it haha. I've only ever uttered those words to family and my best friend. The only exception was my one ex that I have mentioned as Dynasty and it took me about 8 months to even spit out. And frankly I think I have a problem with those words as it is. People toss em loosely, unknowingly, unthinkingly..me..I refuse to even let it come out. I thought about a once realization I had in my car (as always in my car) about not wanting to "love" someone knowing that it wasn't love or even if it was it was unrequited love. All bad. And I would never openly admit it either because I knew it was false. Later to have that same person lie in my face and tell me they "loved" me...disgusted moment that was. I don't think its right to say if its a lie, I don't think its right to say unless it is unconditional. I think its safe to say, I think I rather never hear it than to hear it and it be a lie.

Later that evening (lol)
here I am, I came back to this.