Digging Holes

Certain things I can't mention but I'll do what I can on here for now. I'd been away from my blog for a what seemed like a while for me. It was nice to get away from Arizona too bad the time away wasn't completely stress free. Drama happened, crying and feeling helpless at one point. Blah blah blah.

Onwards and upwards. It's the holiday season again. I've always always always hated the holidays. Maybe this year will be different. I'm just going to try my best to implore positivity. So long as I can stay out of this stupid mall I don't see it being much of a problem.

 So I just did the calculations to see how my working sched. will change and only to find that I'm going from working 56 hours to 48. Ugh. Only an 8 hour difference.

I want so badly to be balanced in my life and to be serene and happy. My whole life has/had been a struggle. Listening to Frank Ocean-Pyramids today

Things have been moving so quickly it seems too.  My agitation is running on high..like right now my mom is on the phone and being loud and I can't think straight and the shit they are talking about is like really..."what color is the meat tenderizer" come on.  I want to blast the music and drift away.  I've been waiting for her to be here and actually do some work so I can eat my breakfast because all she's been doing is rug shopping, looking at puppies and bullshitting on the phone. And then asking me why I'm breaking peoples $20's it's like well if you'd like to step and do some work, ya know run your stupid ass store that you made me move out here for that would be great.

Hold up, lemme cool my jets.

So much feisty-ness going on. Which leads me to my next point. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving just because I want to spend some quality time with my bed.

I'll lighten up, I just gotta get out of here.  I left the bullshit to come back to the bullshit. This setting is not for me. I don't know how else it can be said or shown. It makes me mean and I don't need that and nobody likes that.

The last few weeks have been kinda overwhelming,  and the issue that came up that made me feel helpless and upset really hit me somewhere deep.  Just makes me want to be held for hours.