Which reminds me of http://divinephoenix1.blogspot.com/2011/01/assignment-1.html
How the month of October may forever remind me of Friday October 13th 2006
which brings me to my next point...
I was in the shower thinking about how we all just behave so mindlessly it seems
what the hell is the point really?
Moving about with the same routines day in and day out
It's just so pointless, useless
people are such emotional creatures
and sometimes I wonder why I didn't die that day
when my heart was racing over two hundred thirty beats per minute
what kept me here when I still to this day don't even really care to be here
Nothing really changed about my mindset
So what I decided to eventually stop playing with razor blades
but that was on my own
I grew out of that, eventually it got boring
and it wasn't enough
more and more and more and that fucking feeling
that burn and rawness of flesh
God it disgusts me now when I think about it
although
I won't say I haven't thought about it though since I "stopped"
because I am impulsive at times
it is an unhealthy mindset, yes sure
I've always been a terribly morbid creature
I've always been attracted to darkness
and my own darkside
It is all I have ever known
all I have learned to embrace
but why not?
I'm feeling lifeless again
Life being sucked right out of me
like I'm floating down into the bottom of the ocean
but I don't ever fight that feeling
craving sleep
craving darkness
isolation
&
numbness
blah
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