Sleep Maintenance Insomnia

So today I was reading up on sleep maintenance insomnia because I have been having trouble sleeping the last month or so. Sleep maintenance insomnia is when you wake frequently throughout the night like I do myself.




The sleep patterns of this type of insomnia include the following insomnia symptoms:
1. Sleeping only a few hours, then waking up
2. Waking up suddenly, and being unable to fall back asleep
3. An in between state where one feels half awake while sleeping
4. Waking up too early, and being unable to get back to sleep (this crosses over into what is known as early-morning awakening)
5. Waking up briefly, but frequently, throughout the night


Anyways, the cite says that if anxiety is a problem (which in my case I think it is anxiety/stress related) to try something called a "brain dump" it says "Take a piece of paper and pen and write down everything that's on your mind. Pour it out!" I've decided to do it via my blog rather than wasting paper


2/17


where to begin, where to begin...so you've left to go seek custody of your daughter, okay that's all fine and well but boy some fool am I because you think its okay to go out there and straight up play me? I swear on everything I've been nothing but good to you and I swear on everything if I find out you slept with someone while you were gone your ass is done. So help me god. I know I been freaking out because you refuse to call or text me since you been out there and yeah that is some straight up bullshit. You have no reason not to call or text your GIRLFRIEND. You had me thinking that we were going to make something of all of this. That you stayed out here to try and make your life work out here and maybe try and make things work out here with me. All you've shown me is that you frankly don't give too much of a shit.  I saved up what little..and I mean little money that I did have to buy you clothes and the small necessities that you needed. You haven't shown me shit. You don't even act like you care about me. You aren't affectionate. You don't say anything nice.  What the hell is wrong with you. Why are you so god damn thick headed. You make me want to hate you. Over and over I do this shit with you, every fucking time and its always the same result..is that insane? Remember we talked about the definition of insanity? Why the hell do we do this? You go, you come? You want me, you don't? What the fuck is this shit? I am so angry right now. With the shit from before..I'm staying, I'm going..I don't know...and I don't know. Can't decide...Can't decide. How about I help you decide..I want to walk away. You don't want me to be mean to you but look at what you do to me. You make me furious with your behavior.  Sometimes I wish I never met you. I swear sometimes I wish I never met you. You always hurt my heart. I let you in and you hurt me again and again.  I would be so much better without you.  I've been and done more for you than most would ever do.  I've always been the right choice.  You've always been the stupid choice.  I was thinking about going out there with you. Dropping what little I have and going with you. And you said you wanted that and that you'd be all I need. How can that be when you don't know how to love me? You don't know how to care for me. You don't consider my feelings. You don't consider so much. You never ask..you take it upon yourself always when my input is needed. I've gone out of my way. I've gone above and beyond out of my way. I have chosen to. I still choose to. I'm such a fool for you. I hate all of this. Stupid feelings. Stupid heart that doesn't agree with my head. Then you wonder why I yell at you. You are so frustrating. Being with you is so frustrating. What can I do? My love for you..tears me in two..


I need to be held. I need to feel your arms around me. I need a sense of security. I understand things are difficult, beyond difficult for you right now but I'm here through it all just like I've always been. Me and my small light in the dark.  Just like I keep the ring on that reminds me of you. It's a simple reminder of my faith and loyalty