Sense of Self

This morning, in an ambien fog I sat and listened to "Kid Cudi-Marajuana" although I don't smoke I am really fond of the song.  After some precious time in my head I decided that everything that has happened has happened for the better and I need to get my shit together and stop moping around like an asshole haha.  I needed a pep talk (and Thank You Chad) I know I will be fine..this time..like every time.  I've done this how many times with Bobby? He's left me this way how many times? I've always found a way to bounce back.  I've got this. I have to keep my own faith. I know in a matter of time he'll be looking for me again. He'll be sorry again. He'll need me to pick him up again. He'll be hurt again.  He'll need me again.  He'll pretend to want me again. He'll be mistaken again. He'll go back to her again. The cycle of things. I have to be the one to break it and I pray I am not stupid enough to keep doing this. I'm a smart girl.  It's somewhat unfortunate that my feelings, my heart, and my emotions run everything.  I told him, someone out there is going to know just how much I'm worth. With this being said, I no longer feel the need to reach out to him. Although everything happened so suddenly and so abruptly I'm not sure why it came as a shock to me. I should've been prepared..maybe..shit definitely.  No more sweet words. No more. No more.  I hate this bullshit that we go through together..the three of us. I want them to find happiness with each other. WITHOUT ME.  I want to find my own happiness. I think that God is preparing me for something better. Something beautiful.  Something special. I gotta keep my own faith.  I'ma get there. Just gotta be strong.  No more saying I'm sorry. It's time to say Thank you.