Reckoning

Today marks the day of reckoning between you and I. Last night was the first time in a long time that I've done what I did.  It was with your help that I found myself in such a dark place, alone, and cold. I've completely fallen in. Completely lost myself in what I've allowed you to be.  My castle is crumbling right beneath my feet.  Wait..no it HAS crumbled.  You did the ONE thing I told you would end it all.  The ONE thing that would cause you to lose me.  You did IT. Her..betrayal. You drove the knife so deep into me..twisted and turned it. Wretched. My soul is engulfed in flames. I wish I could hate you but hate is beneath me..for you it is beneath me. I am sad. I am upset. I am depressed. I am broken. I am alone. I am deceived. I am devastated. I have been left. I am sprawled out on the concrete. Screaming. Hurt. It just wasn't meant to be. You and me.  I did everything. I've wasted time, energy, love, loyalty, honesty, commitment and not to mention money. I've wasted it all. Because I built my world around you.  I made you my everything. You said it yourself. I'm everything anyone could ever want..but you didn't want me. What kind of backwards shit that is I have no idea. I hope you end up happy. I hope she's everything you want her to be..I hope she makes that change for you.
Thank god I never let those words trickle off of my lips.  It's probably definitely for the better.
You said you didn't want to break up with me because you didn't want it to end.  Oh but you did. You didn't respect me. You didn't tell me the truth. I absolutely have to let you go.
It'll hurt for now. It'll burn. My cuts..my wounds..but I'll be fine. I know that God is only teaching me a lesson..teaching you a lesson..teaching her a lesson. And showing us the way. None of us will be given more than we can handle. I will pray for you. I will pray for her. I will pray for your daughter. And I will pray for myself. I can't have sympathy for you. I know you're fighting for what your heart believes. Gotta leave me out of it though because it'll surely kill me in the end.  I gotta let this shit go..one way or another..something is bound to kill me..whether it's you..her..or me. I'm off this.