December 4th

I'm laying here feeling somewhat foolish...
I feel like I want so much...
maybe I want too much.
But I feel like I'm in this alone.
The emptiness is not me it was you.
I want to feel feeling from you.
Not the kind that she envokes either.
I want to feel strong passionate love.
I have it in me to give all of myself
but I would want that in return
and I wouldn't give that to anyone else but you.
That's how I feel it should be...
selfish maybe.

December 3rd

I wanted to know how to love.

I have learned from being involved with you.

I can be patient, caring, helpful, understanding, loyal, 

sweet, thoughtful, considerate, appreciative, giving and much more.

I am a blessed individual and capable of many things. 

It is a great feeling knowing that I do know how to love...

I just need to find the right person who will embrace me and shine with me.

That's motivated towards a common goal. 

I just wanted it to be you.

Because through you I have found all of this within me. 

It just pains me that I can't feel that same love from you. 

November 26th

Let me know if this task is too great...so that I may behave accordingly.
I realize that you value me but not enough to be the difference.
I've given so much of myself and seen a side of me and potential in me that's been realtively unheard of...
this is part of why I hold on.
I've been so patient.
Understanding.
Caring.
I've shown you the love I would want for myself.
I need you to trust and have faith in me.
Let me love you.
Let me show you.
Give yourself the opportunity.
I'm more than just an option.
I'm more than just a safety net.
I want more for us...together.

I never thought that I'd be here feeling the way that I do about you.
I want to lift you up.
I want to bring you strength.
I want you to know that there is light in the darkness.
That through the struggle I'm here with you.

Karaoke

and as I see it...
you could and you would break my heart
repeatedly
repeatedly
you aren't ready to love me
although you kiss and you hug me
Then I hear Drake say:
"I'm just young and unlucky...I'm surprised you couldn't tell"

The fear

"Please don't tell me because there is fear in knowing that these condescending thoughts transcend everything" And I hate looking down at my shoes when it rains,
when it rains it pours down
seemingly fit with the sadness resounding
screaming out like a howling wind violently, vividly, vivaciously occurring

what the hell

these words shall cease to rest these lips
a fighting chance they do not stand
whats done in kind
 is done in kind
even if you are not my kind
with poise I rest
your feelings to test
destroy the path of the conquered
in your face I see dishonor
while your guilt lies shameless...

so homeboy fuck your feelings
i refuse to be the subject
i refuse to to be the predicate
fuck your predatory ways
yep I said it
fuck that nonsense
fuck it sideways
and fuck it backwards
all these things are lessons learned

Aeschylus Quote

"Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget 

falls drop by drop upon the heart, 

until, in our own despair, 

against our will, 

comes wisdom 

through the awful grace of God."-Aeschylus

Sometimes I lay and wonder

wide awake in the darkness

where are you tonight

restless in my mind

shuffling though the memories

praying that you would save me

but every night the same thing

I've run out of stars to wish on

hoping one of them would grant me this wish

In the darkness I can't see the light of the moon

so empty in this solitude

I find myself running from it all

just to end up back here in my head 

and alone

I'll push the world away just to keep you close in my heart

The fog on the glass

The raindrops that are left

the loneliness

the sadness

the pain

where are you

can't you feel that I need you

can't you feel, that I need YOU

despite it all it was always you

but it's not enough

my love is not enough

I did this one for fun with a writing prompt, the prompt was the quote..to read to quote and just write from there.