November 26th

Let me know if this task is too great...so that I may behave accordingly.
I realize that you value me but not enough to be the difference.
I've given so much of myself and seen a side of me and potential in me that's been realtively unheard of...
this is part of why I hold on.
I've been so patient.
Understanding.
Caring.
I've shown you the love I would want for myself.
I need you to trust and have faith in me.
Let me love you.
Let me show you.
Give yourself the opportunity.
I'm more than just an option.
I'm more than just a safety net.
I want more for us...together.

I never thought that I'd be here feeling the way that I do about you.
I want to lift you up.
I want to bring you strength.
I want you to know that there is light in the darkness.
That through the struggle I'm here with you.

Karaoke

and as I see it...
you could and you would break my heart
repeatedly
repeatedly
you aren't ready to love me
although you kiss and you hug me
Then I hear Drake say:
"I'm just young and unlucky...I'm surprised you couldn't tell"

The fear

"Please don't tell me because there is fear in knowing that these condescending thoughts transcend everything" And I hate looking down at my shoes when it rains,
when it rains it pours down
seemingly fit with the sadness resounding
screaming out like a howling wind violently, vividly, vivaciously occurring

what the hell

these words shall cease to rest these lips
a fighting chance they do not stand
whats done in kind
 is done in kind
even if you are not my kind
with poise I rest
your feelings to test
destroy the path of the conquered
in your face I see dishonor
while your guilt lies shameless...

so homeboy fuck your feelings
i refuse to be the subject
i refuse to to be the predicate
fuck your predatory ways
yep I said it
fuck that nonsense
fuck it sideways
and fuck it backwards
all these things are lessons learned

Aeschylus Quote

"Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget 

falls drop by drop upon the heart, 

until, in our own despair, 

against our will, 

comes wisdom 

through the awful grace of God."-Aeschylus

Sometimes I lay and wonder

wide awake in the darkness

where are you tonight

restless in my mind

shuffling though the memories

praying that you would save me

but every night the same thing

I've run out of stars to wish on

hoping one of them would grant me this wish

In the darkness I can't see the light of the moon

so empty in this solitude

I find myself running from it all

just to end up back here in my head 

and alone

I'll push the world away just to keep you close in my heart

The fog on the glass

The raindrops that are left

the loneliness

the sadness

the pain

where are you

can't you feel that I need you

can't you feel, that I need YOU

despite it all it was always you

but it's not enough

my love is not enough

I did this one for fun with a writing prompt, the prompt was the quote..to read to quote and just write from there.

Truth

I am ever so grateful to be able to establish this little bit of honesty between us. And after everything my instincts were correct as I have NEVER doubted them but rather gave you the benefit of the doubt.

I am sorry for the way you went about the situation at that point in time and for my actions in return. In all honestly I did care at one point. I did show you with everything that was within me.

And now a sense of relief although I'll never be able to look at you the way I once did.

Disappointed in you, yes.

TBC...

Slumber

Words do seem to populate my mind yet things so thought provoking and so dynamic leave me at a loss. I can feel a heaviness weighing upon thy brow beckoning slumber...Oh evermore. Sleep, the longing for such is dreamlike. The way ones lashes flutter with every long blink fighting to stay awake. Give me reason to stay in reality and not to sleep. A reason worth being awake for. There is none.